You are in the dark right now, but it will not always be so. I want you to read this when the night seems to overtake you. Read this and remember. Remember and believe.
The darkness in you is just that: it is something inside of you, apart from who you are, who God intends you to be. And you have been given new life, a life that will remain incomplete and unwhole till the end comes, but still, you have this life within you. It is this life which makes these times so unbearable, because the life is light, and light cannot bear with darkness. And so within you these two forces clash and thunder and wage war in your heart. I know that it seems as if you are losing this war, or as if that which is winning is evil and ugly and malevolent, even so that at times you wonder if this is truly you, if this darkness is what you have made yourself into. Through indulging your flesh, through your weakness and depravity, you believe that maybe you have fallen beyond help — beyond, if possible, even the scarred hand of the One who bled and died that you might not live in shame and despair. But this is not true, and it shall never be true. Not because you have not sinned, not because you have not fallen into a valley from which no human hand should wish to save you, no, but it is true for no reason better than this! That you are as shaken, broken and dirty as ever you could have been, and because of this, Christ died for you. And He already knew. He already knew you, and He knew the sins you are yet to even commit. Even so, He loved you — then, and now, the Lord Jesus loves you; not because you deserve it, but because He is good. Because He is better than you will ever know.
You are not mad. This is not madness, to think this way, to wonder, to imagine what you know you should not. This is to be human, and to be in need. And you are in need, in need of the truth, in need of a light to shed upon the deceit which has crept into every corner of your mind, crept in from without to join the dregs that were never expunged from within. These lies say that you are alone. They say that you are beyond healing. These lies tell you that you are not saved, that you will never be saved, that you are a wretch in your sins and that no effort to crawl away from them could be worth the pain that will come when you inevitably are drawn back. But these are lies. And even the most skilled liar may betray himself with a little truth. For you are a wretch, yes! And for such as you did Jesus die! Do not dwell upon yourself and what you have done, do not sulk in your sin and pull darkness like a cloak about you to hide in, for even if such darkness is in you, to think ever upon it means to meditate not upon your Saviour. Do not deny sin in you, for it is very real — and thus is the grace of Christ who died proved ever truer. Meditate on this, and be thankful.
O! wretched sinner that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of sin and death?
Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ, my Lord, who is my life and salvation!
Shall you ever be utterly free of this broken vessel, poor one? In this world, no, you shall not be made whole. But take heart! for Christ has overcome this world, and He has promised you a new home, when this journey is done. It shall at many times be arduous, yes, and often you may feel as you do now. But always, always let it mind you of the Truth. You do not need to earn love. You need not be worthy of it, for your unworthiness makes the Giver all the greater. In your weakness is His strength perfected; in your faithlessness is His faithfulness shown true; in your sin is His grace given reign.
When your darkness seems overwhelming, look to the Lord’s light. When you think you are alone, deny the lie. When you cannot stand for the weight upon you, do not. Merely bend your knees, and kneel.