Some people who read my previous entry were probably a bit put off, or, concerned. And I can understand why. We aren’t used to having a person’s insides spewed out in front of us raw to look at honestly. But that’s a problem, and I would like to acknowledge that. That’s why I wrote the last post.
It seems to me that we live in a society that is afraid to be vulnerable — afraid to open up, to trust, to be honest and open. We all know that every action we take and every word we speak is scrutinized by those who see and hear, analyzed by every witness. They make up in their own minds what those words or deeds meant, and then pin a badge to you that describes what type of person you are because of what you just did. I know I do this, even if unintentionally; I know I don’t want to do it, that I shouldn’t, but I do it anyhow. I think we’re all guilty of this, though that does not make it any less a sin. And yes, I believe it to be a sin.
Vulnerability, however, is not something that ought to be judged. Especially when you consider the alternative: lies, deception, masks, secrets. The people of the world are hiding behind a facade in order to appear more acceptable to their neighbours. People aren’t careful of what they say because they don’t want to hurt others, they’re careful of what they say because they don’t want to show that they are hurt. But if no one knows you’re broken, how is anyone going to help mend you?
That’s just the point. We are all, every one of us, broken to bits. Some a little more than others, some a little less. And while I know that Christ is the only one who can truly fix us and make us whole, I also know that He places certain people in our lives to aid us in our growth and strengthen us in our weakness and frailty.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ …” — Galatians 6:2
I’m so tired of having to watch what I say for fear of being judged — either for what I’ve done, or for drawing out what others have done. Because I want to really talk with people, really get to know them; I want to help mend others’ brokenness. So when I do talk with my friends, I usually try to be as honest as possible about myself, in hopes of encouraging them to open up about their lives. I want everyone who knows me, to know that I will not judge them for who they are, or what they’ve done. Because I am truly a terrible sinner, and an incredibly messed up human being. I’ve done plenty of awful things and stumble daily. I don’t always want to go into the details of those things, because that draws attention to me and away from Christ — but if the gritty little bits will help someone else who’s struggling in the same way, then I will open up happily. Because none of us struggles alone, not even one. Everything you’re going through, others have been through. I know from first-hand experience how incredible it is to talk to someone who deals with the same struggles. To be able to build each other up and create strategy for change is so heartening.
And just to clarify, I do not mean that we aught to let everything in our souls live on our sleeves. (That’s essentially what I did with my last entry, because I was trying to get your attention, to make a point.) What I’m advocating is sharing any aspect of our lives, when it might be useful to another. There are times when our strength, however little it may seem to us, is the only thing that’s keeping someone else going, and in those moments showing all of our brokenness isn’t going to help, not with that person — they need someone to lean on, not another shaky baluster. But when opening up is appropriate, I advocate doing it with gusty; not ashamedly, as though the person you’re talking to hasn’t done anything wrong, or hasn’t been broken. We need one another, and we need one another’s honesty.
To all those of you who believe the same, thank you. Thank you for being vulnerable, so that I can do the same, and so that we can grow together. To the rest of you, who are still hiding, please … please open up, please let someone in. Start living an honest life, and stop being afraid to show your weaknesses. No one is strong alone.
— Joel