All the pain and hurt, the uncertainty, the weight, nearly crushing, the fear, the tears, the confusion, all of it … it’s all worth it.
I have a passion in my soul to make an impact on this world, to make a profound and lasting difference, for the God who made it, for the people who have been made in His image to do as He does, who are blinded and poisoned by the powers that work against them, that work against me, that fight me tooth and nail to keep me from my calling. If I give in, give up the fight, then I deny my purpose in this life, and I forfeit the war that is waged against me, against all of God’s chosen ones. I cannot do that!
I was made for a purpose: to be a light in a dark place, to share with others the life that the Lord has given me to live. I can choose to give in to the dark, surrender and become a part of it — yet if I do, all the good that could come from me will sink into the sea, the joy that I could have will be lost, along with the love that I could share. I have the ability and the strength in God to do great things, to love in a way that transforms lives — and to teach others to do the same.
There is an enemy that knows all of this, and is desperate to see my love come to naught. I have at times nearly given in to this enemy, and thrown myself off the cliff at his gentle yet persistent urging. For years this has been a temptation for me, a nagging, selfish itch in my flesh. But it is a temptation that has been built upon lies and fear. Fear that I am alone and cannot make a difference; lies that even if I made a difference it would be too small to ever matter. And what a terrible lie that is!
I will make a difference. I am not alone, and I will never be alone. There is a power in me to do great things, for He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. I will fight and I will suffer for this love that is in me, and it will be worth it.
I am learning to see the beauty that is in me. I had let evil creep into my mind and make its home in my thoughts, blind me to my own worth. But no more. I will not remain unaware, I will not believe that this darkness is a part of who I am, I will not give it control over me any longer, to produce more darkness.
Whatever is true, noble, righteous, pure, lovely, admirable, virtuous and praiseworthy — these are the things that are produced in the lives of those who have been transformed by the love of Yeshua, who have been set free from death and darkness, and these are the things that I must dwell on.
The war is being waged in my mind, and in my mind will it be won. The hardest war that ever was fought was the war within the heart of man. For thousands of years it has been raging, and still today it goes on as fiercely as ever. But my God is able to make me stand, to keep me from falling. My God is stronger.
The season that I am in has been a long one. But I think it is drawing to a close. The Lord is working powerfully in me, and he will see this work through to completion. Grace upon grace.
“And the Lord looked on all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.”